Monday, August 29, 2011

Short, Hairy, Cantankerous.....And Unwanted!

I’ve noticed an increase in grumbling over the weekend. This can only mean one thing – rumours of a new Dwarfs book on the horizon.

I can already see how this is going to go. A large proportion of Dwarf players will spend the next 6 months grumbling that the new book better make them more competitive without them losing their “unique” character. This unique character is to not participate in two and a half of the four phases in the game – movement, magic (except as spoilers) and combat (because they have short legs). Another group will argue that they don’t need a new book because they can already spoil everybody else’s hobby with their current book.

Typical Battle Scene From Dwarf Tactical Manual - pity the other players have to be involved

There will then be grumbling that having a Dispel Phase that gives them over 85% chance of having more magic dice than their opponent is “just too risky” and Runelords should add four dice. They will also need more certainty around their minimum 4 warmachines – perhaps they can re-roll the re-rolled Misfire Dice, or better yet choose their results.

Whatever they do, I know how it is going to play out. Three months after the book arrives we’ll be back at the normal (crescendo) grumbling levels as they moan that they only participate in limited phases of the game. Wake up and smell the coffee guys! They are characteristics of the race – Dwarfs are designed to be as boring as batshit, existing only to elicit groans from Warhammer Fantasy players who have to play them.

Oh, and the models are ugly!


  1. Pah, you can't even grumble properly. Get back in your hole and eat your cheese.

  2. Back in the good old days, people used to respect those with longer beards than themselves. And we knew how to complain properly.

    Kids these days...

  3. I'm just trying to imagine what will happen if we find that Dwarfs have been given some form of 'not magic'. From a balance perspective they could definitely use it but it will certainly annoy a few people.

  4. LOL.
    I suspect there will be magic like before in 6th ED and bound items.
    There will be large monstrous creatures ie BLIMPS.
    There will be cavalry equivalents.
    They will still be slow. :)
    People will complain, but to many.

  5. LOL. Back in the day (mid/late 80's) when I used to play a bit of WFB, I played dwarfs. I set up my battle line, pounded my opponent with artillery and crossbows, and hoped that whatever got through could be mopped up by my melee units... Then I played a skaven player, who launched a sneak attack with some skaven super hero character that 'appeared' in my backfield, charged the rear of one of my best combat units and routed them... Welcome to "Herohammer". I gave up on the game then... Shame really as theres about 4000 points worth of painted dwarfs hiding under my gamestable somewhere...